Just "Do It!"
- Aug 31, 2023
- 9 min read
It has taken me a while to find the words to explain my experience of my weight loss journey. As many others would think, weight loss is VERY challenging. It does not happen overnight, but we wish it did, right? It takes tons of hard work, dedication, sacrifice, and mental and emotional work to get to where you are comfortable with.
But let me start by saying this, every single woman of all sizes is BEAUTIFUL! You should always love the skin you are in. So anyone reading this and looking at themselves thinking, "God I'm fat" DOESN'T, This is just me sharing my overall experience of how I first started gaining the weight and how it slowly fell off of me. Maybe some of the things I share in this blog post could be some things you will find yourself agreeing to, nodding your head, and finding yourself seeing, that you are not the only person. Every day there is someone who looks in the mirror and hates what they see looking back at themselves. Well, let me start by saying "If you do not like what you see, change it!"
The Beginning of a hard journey 2021.
When I first started to put on weight, I didn't notice it at first. It started slow but it was right after a few months of being on birth control (Depo Shot). I found myself eating a hell of a lot more than I usually did. I found an extreme liking for bagels, I could sit there and eat a whole lot of bagels in one day. But slowly I did start to notice my jeans didn't fit, my boobs were popping out of my bras, and it was becoming extremely stressful.. But again, I never took the right steps to start losing it either, so it kept increasing over the months until I finally was tired of looking in the mirror and hating the way I looked.
210lbs January 2021
It started in the beginning year of 2021, I was dating my ex-boyfriend at the time who was super supportive of helping me change the way I look. He would help me find the right foods to eat, and helping me cut back on a lot of foods I LOVED. But in the end, it's my responsibility to follow through with my weight loss, as he was super supportive and encouraging. I needed to take the steps for myself as well. I would attend the gym regularly after work or on my off days. But let me tell you, going to the gym and seeing all the people who look really good, made me feel even worse about myself. Do you ever get that feeling when you go into the gym like you do not belong? TRUST ME, I've felt that every single time I walked through those doors.
It was such a horrible feeling overall and made me wanna give up but I had to be optimistic, they look good because they put in the work to look the way they love. So if they could do it? HELL, I can too! So I kept attending, and I wanted to see a change so fast so BADLY. I had got this really cute dress I wanted to be able to fit in on my birthday as it was slowly approaching February. We all have that one outfit or dress we want to so badly fit! We just pray to the weight loss gods that we don't GAIN any more weight at a certain particular moment.
So I started to push myself further, and once February 14th came around the corner, it was actually bad weather. (My luck right) but I still wanted to get into that dress and at least take some cute photos of myself. I was turning 21 at the time. So I definitely wanted to look my best turning the final legal age there was besides 18.
I still looked pudgy, but the dress had hugged every curve along my body. I felt some sense of accomplishment, even though I didn't lose any target weight goal, even 5 pounds felt like a major success to me. But as with every other person we have our moments where we consider days like our birthday a "cheat day", Let me tell you, those are massively damaging. But we reward ourselves those days because come on, who can crave a juicy burger, or okra, or fried chicken!
So I'm not saying if you reward yourself with a cheat day that it's going to undo all the work you did. Because just as weight doesn't shed off overnight neither does weight gain. After my birthday it was back to the gym, working out, and challenging myself to hope my weight would just budge. After a month, I had gotten my own apartment and moved out of my ex-boyfriend's place (at the time), and felt like things were changing for the better!
It was almost that time to "check the scale" our worst enemy right? It definitely was mine. I was terrified of the scale when it came to my weight at the time. Stepping on it, I could feel my heart racing, and as I guessed, I didn't shed any weight. After three months I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere with this weight loss, I had stopped taking birth control, I had cut back on the foods I loved, and even went to the gym every other day. It was HIGHLY discouraging to me, and as some of you might relate, I gave up, Things were slowly falling apart, my relationship ended (for my own selfishness) and I was experiencing severe anxiety, highs, and lows, most days I didn't want to get out of bed. I know this sounds like I'm complaining but this was real life how I felt at the time.
For a long time, I stopped focusing on myself, I was more focused on helping others. I started to lose myself, mentally, emotionally, and physically. I had stopped eating together, as if that was supposed to be the other way around right? I just stopped eating entirely. The summer rolled through, and then early September came around, and I had a mental breakdown. I finally decided I needed help after losing my focus and strength to keep on while at work. I reached out to my doctor with the help of some people pushing me to get better. It's not easy doing it on your own sometimes you need a bit of a push, and nothing is wrong with that. I had been diagnosed with severe Bipolar Disorder I, I was able to get scheduled with a therapist and get on some medications that would help improve my moods overall.
170lbs December 2021
New year New beginnings 2022.
After a month, of spending time with friends, and getting back to who I truly was, I started to look back on who I was. Sounds repetitive right? well, that's what I kept telling myself, be repetitive, tell yourself the same things every day, and put in the work. So the journey would proceed on changing the way I looked. I would start meal prepping, and instead of going to the gym, I would set up a small spot in my apartment where I would do some workouts with the things I've bought to help. I downloaded an app and every day after work, I would dedicate 30 minutes to an hour of working out.
Let me repeat this, Weight loss does not happen overnight. I know I know it gets annoying hearing that so often. But it is true ladies and gents, you have to put in the work! For me, I needed to change a lot more than just my weight. I needed to change the way I felt, thought, and viewed things. Changing your perspective, and doing some deep soul diving into finding what makes you, well YOU! It starts by changing your mental state, it helps a ton with the weight loss if you start by changing your mental state of mind. I had to also learn how to love myself again, it's hard. You find things you don't like and become your biggest enemy! The number one bully is yourself. That doesn't make sense but just think about it for a moment. You are the only one to pick out the things about yourself you hate, you look in the mirror and automatically start judging the things you see.
You can become your biggest enemy in life and not even realize it entirely. It's okay, do not start thinking bad about yourself. We do these things without even knowing we do it. Once I started working on myself mentally and emotionally the things about me physically started to change. I started to smile so much more, I was going out and making plans with my friends. I was starting to spend more time with my family and decided to go back to school after it had been a while. Things were starting to look up for me, I continued for months and months on changing the things I didn't like about myself, working on myself, and instead of bullying myself, I became my biggest fan. My hair was starting to grow back healthier than it was before.
"Failure is nothing but fuel for your future!"
I continued to work hard, improving myself, bettering who I was becoming, and finally finding a sense of who I truly and deeply was. It was getting easier, and I finally started to focus on myself for a change. Let me start by saying there is nothing wrong with being selfish with yourself. If you are a person who focuses a lot on making other people happy and constantly gives your love but never gets it in return, or always being that person who makes sure everyone else is happy and taken care of, well let's just say we are not much different from each other. I used to be that person and you begin to neglect yourself and that is not right. Taking time to focus on yourself, and learning to improve yourself is not a bad thing. It could be the one thing you really need the most throughout this entire journey. So my friend please think to yourself, when was the last time you actually focused on what makes you happy? If you have given it even the slightest thought then that means it's time to start to focus on that and learn to love who you are and love the skin you are in!
Ending the year, overall wasn't the worst thing. But things did change drastically after I had my surgery in December of 2022, I had another relapsing moment of depression and self-doubt. Again it happens guys, We are not built to be immune to depression. Billions of people experience it so many times throughout their lives. I sure as hell had it happen a lot over the years. But as you fall into it, you will climb yourself right back out of it. I kept up the hard work and continued to improve myself. As the year 2023 began, as I said things changed drastically for me. I lost the love of my life at the start of the year, and that sunk me deep. But I also got to know a really important figure in my life, an amazing human being. Who has pushed me to get out of my comfort zone and meet people from all around the world? Being exposed to things like flying, traveling, making new friends and becoming close to them, and many more things. But AGAIN it falls on me to make these changes happen. It is my choice whether or not someone gives me a shove, but yes I did do every single one of the things I did mention.
"You must keep going, no matter what happens. It's always too quick to give up!"
136lbs August 2023
As I come to the end of this massive journey I'm still currently on, I will say there are still things I struggle with, sometimes I do not like my arms or thighs showing too much, but every day is a new day and a chance for change. My only wish is that you took this experience and actually gave it a thought of what you want to do with your life. Do you like the way you feel deeply? Are you happy? Do you look in the mirror and love who you see looking back at yourself? Well if you said yes or no, it is never too late to take action on the things you do not like. You will not get to where you want to be by sitting there feeling sorry for yourself. GET UP, and make a change! You can do it! I believe in every single human being that comes across my blog, and even the ones that don't. This is me giving you a shove to make a change in your life today! Do not give up, failure is not the end, it is just fuel for the future.
Sidenote:
Thank you again, for taking the time to join my blog it means the world to me. I find happiness in writing and sharing my experiences with you guys. To add there is a podcast I listen to every morning before I begin my day that I've found to help me tremendously, I will list it below for anyone who would like to check it out!
Are you one of the people who enjoy Mark Pellegrino's Reality Checks? Not sure what the hell I am referring to. Maybe you should go and check out his YouTube channel, he gives amazing perspectives on things and encourages everyone to give their feedback. My personal favorite is "Why is it good to be selfish?"Also! Don't forget to grab yourself a Reality Check T-shirt from my big sister's Etsy!
Also, if there are any topics you wish for me to share on my personal experiences or have any questions, just type in the comment section down below or send me a message! I love you guys, never give up!
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